Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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