Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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