You made me cry and you don't even care
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm like, not good at living.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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