Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
