Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize