look no pants
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
