fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
