I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
