i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
