Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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