I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
This toilet bowl is my home.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
