WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize