So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
