i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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