Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I will pee on everything he values.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
