Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
