you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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