this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
