nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
