she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize