I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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