Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
