yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
