But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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