shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
