honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
