what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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