4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
