He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
