Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
