dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
