He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
