I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
