Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
His nipple licking is glorious
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