Say something about gay babies.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
