I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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