i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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