If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
