Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
