Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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