You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I will be naked everywhere
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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