i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
