I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
