I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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