Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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