Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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