Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
