don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
