just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
