i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
