I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It's blow job season.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
