i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
