I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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