I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
