wat bout pragnant strippers??
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
