can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
