By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize