Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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