Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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