And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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